Coaching all young players in grassroots football requires patience, adaptability and an understanding of how different children learn and respond to instructions. This is especially important for players with ADHD, who can struggle to adapt when they perceive that they are being told what to do. Rather than responding positively to direct orders, it can help them to engage with instructions when they feel included in the decision-making process.
This is where the ‘Ask, Don’t Tell’ approach comes in.
One of the core traits of ADHD is a resistance to being controlled or dictated to. This isn’t about defiance, it’s about how their brain processes authority and autonomy. When a coach says, “Go stand over there and wait for your turn,” a young player with ADHD may instinctively push back or become disengaged. However, if the same instruction is framed as a choice – “Would you like to start now, or would you like to watch one round first and then join in?” – the player is more likely to feel consulted than commanded.
This small shift in communication can help them feel respected, engaged and more willing to participate.
Here’s how you can apply the ‘Ask, Don’t Tell’ approach in different football scenarios:
Instead of: “Go line up for the next drill please.”
Try: “Would you like to start with passing or shooting first?”
Instead of: “Listen up and stop messing around.”
Try: “Do you want to sit here or next to your teammate while we go through the plan?”
Instead of: “Stop running around and pay attention.”
Try: “Do you want to do one more sprint before we start the next drill, or are you ready now?”
Instead of: “Pass the ball quicker!”
Try: “Do you think passing quickly or keeping the ball for a bit longer would work better in this situation?”
This approach doesn’t just help players with ADHD, it benefits the entire team. By offering choices instead of directives, coaches:
Accommodating every player and every condition can be challenging and no approach will be perfect for every situation. These are simply guidelines to work toward. Even incorporating one or two of these strategies into your coaching can make a significant difference – not only for ADHD players but for the whole squad.
Small changes in communication can lead to better engagement, stronger team cohesion and a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved, coaches included!
The resources and support provided in The Vault are designed to promote mental wellbeing and provide general guidance on mental health related to grassroots football.
However, the content is not intended to serve as specific mental health advice or replace consultation with a trained professional. If you or someone you know requires personalised mental health support, we strongly encourage you to consult with a licensed mental health professional and/or seek appropriate services in your area.
