This story was found on Reddit and highlights how the suppression of authentic emotional expression in neurodivergent youth doesn’t simply fade away – it evolves into profound communication barriers in adulthood. When children, particularly those with autism, are consistently taught that their natural expressions of joy or excitement are “too much,” they develop sophisticated masking techniques that eventually become involuntary prison cells.
What starts as protective adaptation transforms into emotional disconnection that affects not only the individual but everyone in their life. The ability to convey genuine happiness becomes compromised, replaced by flat affect and controlled responses that neurotypical people misinterpret as disinterest or sarcasm. This emotional suppression represents more than personal loss – it’s a societal failure to embrace neurodiversity that creates unnecessary suffering and robs both the individual and their loved ones of authentic connection.
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I’m late diagnosed and working through a lot of previously unrecognised autism related issues at this time. Yesterday, after the subject of my sometimes-inability to use appropriate tone came up with my therapist, I realised this is mainly only an issue when I am trying to express joy or excitement.
Joy and excitement, like when I receive a gift I love or attend an event I’ve been looking forward to, come out with a very flat affect. My parents are convinced I’ve hated every gift they’ve given me, no matter how much I tell them otherwise. My attempts to put gravity on my words sound like NTs (‘neurotypicals’) who hate the gift but are trying to be polite. Praising others is also difficult and often comes out sounding like sarcasm coming from me. Since I’m aware of the issue, I will tell people I’m being genuine, but even then I can see they don’t fully believe me and think I might be making fun of them. Tone means far more than words in an NT world.
I’ve realised that I cannot express myself in these situations because I have suppressed the ability out of myself through many years of masking. My expressions of joy as a child were deemed “too much” for most, and I received mocking from my peers, and annoyance or scolding from adults, so I learned to keep it inside. Now, all that’s left is a perfectly controlled face and a flat, fake tone. After decades of controlling my expressions out of fear, I’m not sure I’m able to undo the damage. And I’m still afraid. I think my husband might actually enjoy seeing me in an unbridled state of excitement, but I don’t think anyone else would, so I can’t start unmasking it for fear it would start slipping out in public as well.
This might be one of the biggest discoveries for me so far, and I know I have a lot of work to do in therapy, so hopefully I can figure something out. I’m just so sad and angry about it.
My JOY was stolen from me by society. How dare anyone tell me how I’m allowed to express excitement and happiness? It just seems so cruel. And it wasn’t just stolen from me, but from my husband, friends, and other loved ones as well, who can never be entirely sure if I’m happy, disappointed, or sarcastic.
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