Guest post from Stan Collymore
Suicide.
I’m choosing to be deliberately blunt and provocative in this post because it’s necessary.
Government, charities, football clubs are all pushing water up a hill in highlighting what is undoubtedly a major health crisis.
You take a rope.
You put it up in a garage or a tree nearby or far away.
You’re thinking about every loved one you’ll leave behind as you put that rope around your neck.
Then you drop.
Some are decapitated.
Some aren’t.
All are found by someone who has a lifetime of trauma that will never leave them.
A son.
A daughter.
A brother.
A sister.
A mother.
A father.
I know 2 men who hung themselves.
One was found by his Mom.
One was found by his brother.
Neither have recovered fully. 20 and 30 years on.
A life sentence for people who were already worrying, terrified their loved one may do something.
So just visualise the above and ask, “is there another way”?
A segway for a moment.
I do a few Q&A’s every year. Tales of yesterday with a 99% male audience of my age group.
After the stories and fun, my last question back to the audience is..
“Hands up if you struggle with a mental health issue”.
Nobody ever puts a hand up. Despite 1 in every 3 of 500 attendees statistically struggling.
“Ah, nobody, that’s fucking brilliant! Well I do! “. I then graphically tell people, stunned into silence about how a rope around my neck in the middle of nowhere jolted me to go home and cry like a baby to my Mom.
After the Q&A has finished, something always happens. I’ll be chatting to a few guys, saying bye and one by one, men will come over and whisper, “I struggle”.
Or my mailbox the next day will have 30 emails from guys, their partners or kids saying ” Dad/Uncle /Brother was there last night and what you said hit them hard.”
And that’s how some people realise that it’s time to speak to a pal or family member or even rant to me in an email. It works, I often get a follow-up email a year or 6 later saying that they took responsibility for their suicidal feelings and are now flying.
Humans are programmed to want to live, to have families and to keep the species growing and thriving. So for a human to want to short-circuit that desire isn’t normal, and it should never be spoken of as normal.
It’s the ultimate red flag.
If you suspect your mate, Dad, Brother, Uncle is struggling mentally, they deserve your intervention.
They deserve a “Are you OK, please tell me what’s up?”
They deserve an opportunity to get past wanting to hang a rope over a tree or in a garage and slowly struggle until they die and you find them.
If you’ve been there and trust me, I have plenty, then you’ll know that text out of the blue, or a footie mate or one of your kids asking how you are can open the curtains to some sunshine.
Because when suicide is your only answer, the room is already dark, and you can’t see a way out.
So please, fucking pretty please, ask that husband, Dad, Uncle, Cousin, footie pal TODAY how they are.
You may be shocked by what comes back, but extremely glad that you asked.
For those who struggle, you’re not alone.
Stan
Stan Collymore is a mental health advocate, football pundit, sports strategist and former player who played most notably for Nottingham Forest and later Liverpool, where he joined from Forest for a then English transfer record of £8.5 million in 1995.
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